i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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