Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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