My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize