I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Blood and glitter go together right?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
