i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
