i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
