I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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