we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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