What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
