Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
