i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
