Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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