She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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