Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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