I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize