in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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