rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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