I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
