Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize