How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
