Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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