Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
