I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
