the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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