Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize