I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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