I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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