dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
