I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
