I think I won the penis lottery.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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