Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
