i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize