so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
