so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
