Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We need a shit load of segways right now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
