i don't like sucking hair
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
