exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
