thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
