You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
of course. lets lasso hookers.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someone shattered a urinal.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
