so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it hurts more in the daytime
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
