someone threw a dead crab at me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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