Jerry, you need to find god
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
