jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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