so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
cat food counts as protein by the way
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
