She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
