It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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