? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
