we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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