I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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