mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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