How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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