Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
