it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
