i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
