if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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