Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
