The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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