its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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