a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
