I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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