we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
