don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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