i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
