Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
