this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
