I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
where are my eyebrows?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
