I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
