So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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