Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
