also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
