see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
