I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
