I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
