I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
