i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
