i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
