My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
