I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
