I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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