He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize