are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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