He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
