It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
