i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
