Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
