carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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