you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
