what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
