areolas are like halos for boobs.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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