I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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