I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
