Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I CAN MOONWALK!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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