For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
