I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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