Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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