I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
