Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
